I'm not Racist but...

She’s the reason bleaching cream was invented. “You’d need a torchlight to find her in the dark.”

Khady Ndiaye didn’t blend in.

Khady Ndiaye loved the fact that she didn’t blend in.

Her Senegalese parents hated it though, to them her complexion was ‘way too dark’, there was no race mixing in their family yes and both of them equally had dark skin but Khady’s color was ‘way too unique.’ for their liking and they had their reason…

Her complexion made her stand out. It constantly brought unwanted attention and with unwanted attention came unwanted opinions, opinions about how her skin tone was ‘unnaturally’ dark and how she needed to lighten her skin so she’d become beautiful…

Khady hated hearing all that nonsense, to her she was already as beautiful as she could be… Her mirror couldn’t lie, her eyes didn’t deceive her, she loved her full coily afro, she loved the shape of her eyes, she loved her nose, her lips, her body, she was well endowed, how then could she become more beautiful just by changing her skin tone. It didn’t make sense to her.

But as long as it made sense to them, they continued with their loudly aired thoughts…to the point it became uncomfortable for her, even her friends who previously had no problem with her skin tone when they were twelve and playing naked under the rain now had something to tell the eighteen year old girl.

Minenhle, her childhood South African friend who had developed the tendency to immediately translate every word she spoke in Zulu to English, was the first, “Ngilalele, listen to me, Nngani Wami, my friend… Trust me, Wena, you can’t see what we see doesn’t mean we’re wrong.

Don’t you plan on Traveling to the USA very soon for your education? The colorism Laphaya, over there is very terrible… You’d be bullied, we’re just trying to help you. Look at my skin, the cream I use is very good with zero side effects, don’t Wena, you want to glow like I do?”

Khady could only smile as she shook her head.

It was a wonder how her self esteem could survive with all these people around her.

Minenhle didn’t like the silence that followed what she termed an ‘‘intervention for her friend”, so she cleared her throat repeatedly until Khady got fed up.

Khady stood up from her bed and walked towards her dressing table, there was an item she needed to grab, an item that would ensure she wouldn’t need to respond to Minenhle on this very topic ever again, an item that would forever speak for her instead.

She grabbed her olive oil plastic bottle, flipped it over and unto her palm, tapped the bottom until it squirted out a generous amount of oil, then she returned the plastic bottle and rubbed her palms together… While Minenhle watched.

When she raised her palms to her face, she smiled.

After massaging the oil in to her skin pores, she smirked.

“No Minenhle, I do not want to glow like you do because I already glow like I do and that’s far more than enough for me. Is that understood?” Khady asked. Minenhle nodded.

Everyone of the people she’d ever called her friend all received that lecture, same words, different names… in just a span of two weeks.

Some were persistent, returning with new ‘ammo’ … Information on why she’d be lonely if she didn’t lighten her complexion, Information on how she’d stay unemployed for a long time if not forever, Information on how light skinned girls were far more prettier than her.

Ammo that never hit her, Information she always discarded.

But she was an intelligent one and although the bullets — words always missed…she was fond of studying them, the bullets on the ground, she studied them, the words they’d said, she researched on them.

They weren’t lies but neither were they truths, they were just records.. Records of how poorly, dark skinned women were regularly treated in the United States of America.

Researching these records, made her know exactly what to expect, studying them made her know how to handle them.

She was going to make sure that before she had to leave her country, she’d be fully prepared to feel America’s hatred

Turning heads in Senegal was not something out of the ordinary, Khady would say she was already used to it.

Especially the murmurs that followed immediately after sighting her.

But yet, this was different.

The moment she poked her head out of the plane and stepped unto the Airstair she knew something was different.

It was the sudden contrast and how she instantly stood out in the midst of white people.

She could swear time had stopped as almost everyone around turned to stare at her.

"I could rob you all and you wouldn't notice because my skin color blinds you." Khady quietly murmured as she continued climbing down.

It hadn't even been up to five minutes in a new country yet she was already fed up with its citizens; a white woman who looked like she'd be in her sixties had stepped out of her way in what felt like sheer fear to Khady, like she was scared of staining her white crinkly skin just by being around her.

Khady felt a thorn pierce her heart as it dawned on her that no level of preparation could have readied her for that action…

And with one thought in her mind, she raised her head up and adjusted the backpack straps on her shoulder:

"I escaped the colorism room and got trapped in the racism room. Yay, systematic oppression! Yay!"

---

Inside the Airport was worse

The pin drop silence made her heels echo and attracted more eyes to her walking frame as she moved to the Immigration zone.

Khady met a black man standing behind the counter and it elated her, she was so excited to finally talk to someone who at least looked somehow similar to her.

She was grinning ear to ear, mindlessly while he scanned her documents until she heard his whispered joke, a joke obviously directed at her, a joke only she could've heard, "Dear Jesus, who switched off the light in her?"

'Who switched off the light in her?'

'Who.Switched.Off.The.Light.In.Her'

Khady couldn't say she was surprised, after all her research had showed black men would treat her worse than anyone else but she definitely didn't expect such words from a professional.

Neither did she expect words like that to hurt her.

Good thing she'd planned ahead and had developed her comeback statements, "Probably the one who forgot to give you a functioning brain."

Her very first words were a comeback to a bully, her accent sounded so thick in her ears. So thick that it turned more heads.

Khady felt embarrassed. She wished she'd just ignored him.

But it was too late for that and now she was hurt and embarrassed at the same time.

---

Her Taxi man was a Nigerian, he was almost as dark as she was and he was quite a talkative.

He'd dropped some insensitive comments in the beginning like, "Ahh, my sister you too dark to be Oyibo person, you na Senegalese person?", which translated to 'My sister, you're too dark to be American, are you from Senegal',

But he genuinely looked happy to see her so she humored him and found out he was really nice, he had a fiance, he was a college drop out and his family had disowned him.

His name was Iheanacho, he could understand and speak English frequently but he mainly spoke Nigerian Pigin, luckily for them Khady could understand Nigerian Pigin, she had a few Nigerian friends.

An hour later and she was alighting from the vehicle, he didn't need to but Iheanacho had helped her move her baggage to the front door of her aunt's house.

She almost didn't want to see him leave, it was like they had both found comfort in each other's presence, the journey had given them an opportunity to talk about mutual experiences because unlike any one she'd ever met, he was almost the same complexion as she was.

She'd found out his university mates in Nigeria had nicknamed him "Oji unyi" meaning Black Charcoal in Igbo and how most white women he'd met always sexualized him by feeding into mainstream stereotype of a tall black man in bed…

But in the end, they both went their seperate ways without exchanging contact information.

Khady strongly believed that if he was meant to be in her life, they'd surely reconnect in the future.

Her aunt, Abibatou Philips was excited to see her

Her husband on the other hand….