Suicidal

Disclaimer: I'm angry for a reason.

Alot of you have suicidal friends. Friends that POST about wanting to die.

Posts you've seen and just scrolled by with the 'This one just needs attention' thought going through your mind.

You lie to yourself and say they're chasing clout. Clout how? Clout why?

Because wanting to be known as someone who was suicidal is good rep?

You even lie to yourself. You don't say 'Naaa. I don't care about you. Die if that's what you want to do.' You tell yourself 'Everybody now wants to be depressed.'

You don't acknowledge the truth. Instead you lie to yourself so you can lie to the world when and if their death is announced.

So you can say. 'Wow. I didn't hit her/him up because I thought it was all fake.'

You're fake. Because even if it were fake. You didn't know that yet.

Even if it were fake. Telling someone. Reminding someone you care is NO SIN.

The world has conditioned you all into thinking daring to be vulnerable in this world... is 'fake' that you'd rather scroll past than messaging that person.

But I actually don't believe that...

I think you do know what you're doing. You do know how they're feeling so you either a) Do NOT want their 'baggages'... you do not want the stress of caring about another human but yourself. You do not want to be selfless. You just DO NOT care about them *enough* to make an effort. You believe their death won't change anything in your life and that's what your subconscious whispers as you view their sometimes-not-subtle- plea for help. Plea for a friend. Plea for someone to care. So you scroll by.

Or b) No one answered your plea for help but still you 'bounced back' on your own. You did it alone. And so can they.

You scroll past because no one helped you when you needed help so you picked up the wrong mentality... you've not gotten over the hurt you felt from being ignored.. the loneliness that ate at you when no one batted an eyelid at you

And now that's the pain. The exact pain you want to inflict on them. 'I did not die. You will not die' Is a front 'I don't care about you because no one cared about me. Why don't you suffer? Do you think you're so special that you deserve help and I didn't?' hides behind.

The two sides are levelled. You're both terrible humans. (a) Is a selfish friend who you do not need, (b) Is a toxic friend who never healed.

(a) Can argue they had a lot on their plates going on to think about you.. or they had a lot of problems so why add you and that's perfectly okay. You're not entitled to their help. But also remember they're not entitled to your life. When and if you bounce back. And you should. You would. As long as you've cut (b) out of your life. As long as they do not have access into your life to be able to corrupt your mental health...

To me (b) Is the worst. (b) Is always going to be that friend who lies to the world... that friend who'd suddenly want to be associated with you when you're six foot under. That friend who'd suddenly 'care' when you no longer need it.

That friend who would now spend money, give attention, 'be there' for everyone. But you.

So if you're a suicidal friend... who's feeling alone. Stop POSTING because very rarely do people care. Instead channel those emotions. Those strong emotions that have you clawing at your skin and scratching your head yet, with a blank heart, channel those emotions not onto a status update. But unto a book. Draw. Write. Stab. Unto your phone. Tap. Draw. Write. Channel those emotions out of your body. Sing. Shout. Dance. Act. Kick. Punch the air.

Because (a) and (b) do not care about what happens to you now you're alive because it's not their job to... but it's yours.

Care.