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Happy New Year and a huge Welcome back to Awelekume.com!

I've missed this website and if you're one of the OG's I hope you've missed it too. 

Where I've Been and Why I’m Back: A Personal Update

I wish this could have been one of those "Oh I've been good, just enjoying life so much I forgot about this site" kind of post, but unfortunately it's not. It's one of those emotionally-vulnerable-linger-into-cringe-worthy-over-sharing-and-self-reflecting type of posts, but luckily as I've recently learnt from a poll I did, my readers enjoy those type of posts and thank you very much! 

So let's begin, 

Where Have I Been?

Honestly, I’ve been floating around like a confused fish who forgot how to swim. I know you're thinking "Awele, how does a fish forget how to swim" and to be honest a fish can forget how to swim once imposter syndrome convinces it its a cow underwater and it has no place there and then suddenly the fish is drowning thinking to itself "oh no, I don't belong here" and sinking even though, it's a fish! Crazy analogy but tell me you get the point. 

One minute, I thought I knew exactly what I was doing. The next, I was deep in a self-discovery hole, trying to figure out who I am, but more often, realizing who I’m definitely not. It’s been a journey, not the pretty type, the ugly one riddled with self doubt, self hate, anger, frustration, uncertainty, jealousy too but I’ve learned that sometimes, being lost is just part of the process. And that’s okay. Growth isn’t a straight line, right?

What Have I Been Up To?

On the surface, I’ve been trying to be a student. Trying being the keyword here and I think I've been doing an okay job being a psychology undergraduate in her final year, sometimes I want to quit but the day you decide to quit they put a quiz with 30 marks and you just have to show up. But, let’s face it, university life is getting old and the motivation is slowly, but surely, running out, like I can't wait to graduate but sadly it's not as if I graduate now then I'd never be a student again, but at least I'd be a msc student and no longer a bsc student and msc just feels like it'd be way much easier... Right? 

But hey, we power through. In the meantime, I’ve been learning a lot about myself and what makes me tick—though, I’d rather be somewhere enjoying life a little more than going over school PDF's or snapping pictures of people's notebooks that I eventually do not even use right now, I'd rather be anything but a university student because it drains!

Why Did I Decide to Return?

Here’s the real tea: I bought the domain again, customized this site a lot more with the help of Chatgpt because excuse my pigin, watin concern psychology student with JavaScript again ooo, poured in time sweat and money into making sure you can read this right now, I'm even stepping back into the social scenes so I can build an audience again—honestly this one is the real stress, I did all these and more, because I went through a “deep fall.” Sounds dramatic, right? Because it is! I actually had one of those silent crash outs like two months ago, I was doing something extremely silly and highly out of character; I was running for my department president and back then too I even thought I wanted to win it but after a trigger, I just fell and withdrew, lost interest in everything and realized or at least remembered that I do not give a hoot about my department to the hoot that I'd lower myself further by trying to play "Nigerian" politics so I honestly just fell back. 

But it was exactly what I needed to realize I’m not going to sit back and let life pass me by anymore or live passively, I'm also not going to attach to people to the point I struggle to remember who I am afterward, I’ve rediscovered my passion, and the thing that makes me the happiest right now is this website, it's going to be this site, it's my commitment, my growth, my smile, my pride, this space where I get to share my thoughts and connect with you all. I’m committing to growing this, I want it all because why not? I'm willing to work for it so why can't I want it? I hope this time next year, January 7th 2026 (woah, 2025 seems like a heavy year but 2026 just feels so much more heavy), this site would have grown beyond recognition—wishful thinking yeah, but let a girl dream won't you? 

I'm committed to no distractions this year—I'm not prioritizing any new emotional attachments to anyone, I'm keeping close the already existing valuable attachments, but focusing only on me and this website. That's my focus now, and honestly, it feels freeing.

'Likkle' philosophical talk

I think everything breaks you to shape you, no matter where you think you've found yourself you're exactly where you're meant to be. It's like, everyone's identity/destiny is customized already, you could try to run from it but what if the path you take just turns out to be a shortcut instead? You could try to quicken the pace but what if the pace is unlocked by time not actions. It's why comparing yourself with people just doesn't work because you're sitting down there getting a quarter image of their journey, ignoring yours and wishing for what they have, wishing for their identity instead of just focusing on yours. 

 I don't think you can fall out of where you're meant to be, because wherever at all you land is exactly where you're meant to be and that's why you landed there, if that makes any sense?

 Fallbacks and feelings of stagnancy just means there's a lesson to be learnt at the exact spot you're at, so to move forward you just have to learn it, no matter how many times or how long it takes you, it doesn't mean you're a failure or your luck would never click you know, you're just yet to figure something out. 

What’s Next?

From here on out, it’s all about me, my personal development, and pouring everything I’ve got into this website. I’m here to stay, and if you’re still reading this, well then, I’d say you’re in for some good content. Stick around; I’m just getting started.

Now, let me know: Have you ever had a moment when you realized you were just floating in life? Or maybe you’re in the middle of your own discovery phase? I’d love to hear your stories, so drop them in the comments below (you can comment anonymously btw), I'd love to hear how you navigated your tough times or even make use of my years in university as a psychology student and help you navigate yours. 

And don’t forget—hit that bell at the corner to subscribe for notifications. My next post, the official welcome back post, is coming in just a few seconds. Stay tuned!