Remove Them, Don’t Stay

The first step to regulating yourself is to remove access for people who dysregulate you ... and I mean, don’t stay.

Woman releasing anxious attachment by removing energetic cords to unhealthy people

Don’t stay when that man has started making you feel anxious. Don’t stay when you find yourself waiting on him — waiting for him, waiting for changed behavior, waiting for presents, words, or anything that keeps you waiting.

This is not preaching isolation. No — they are not the only type of humans who exist. There are people who will not trigger dysregulation within you. But society tells us we have to be the “cool girl,” match energy, be distant when they’re distant, and keep them waiting when they keep us waiting.

I say we recognize instead when someone is changing us, triggering our nervous system with their inconsistency. Instead of internalizing it and saying, “If only I were better,” or making them a source of importance by saying things like, “He’s just not that into me,” we say, “I don’t like how he makes me feel,” and we remove him. We remove access immediately.

There is a point where we start watering ourselves down, pretending to be unbothered, afraid that being ourselves will chase them away — even though your heart flipped when he finally ended your wait. If you are affected by it, remove him.

Remove him instead of molding yourself.

If you are triggered, it is because the dynamic is triggering. Instead of trying to find ways to keep him in your life, find ways to remove him.

When you do this consistently, you regulate yourself naturally. You realize nothing was wrong with you.

You are not broken. You are not inherently insecure. You are often anxious because you are in contact with someone who makes you anxious. There are people who will not trigger your anxiety or your insecurities.

They exist.

And to return to emotional neutrality, you must remove the people who trigger negativity within you.

Remove them.

That is the quickest path to regulation: remove people who dysregulate you.

I mean it. Don’t stay.

remove dysregulating people • nervous system regulation • anxious attachment healing • emotional boundaries • stop self abandonment

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