23 (and tired)

For the longest time, it's felt like I owed death. 



I'd evaded it many years ago. out of guilt I stayed. 


But I have tried, haven't I? Smiled in the pictures, made memories. 


Can I be allowed to be tired? Because I am tired. Incredibly so. 


I want to rest. I want rest. I need rest. 


My soul is fragmented by loss. 


I can't do anything right and I don't want to do anything more at all, but rest. 


I need to rest. I am tired. 


I turn 23 tomorrow


it's the same cycle every year. 


this deep seated exhaustion in living. 


I wonder what's the point of being alive. 


I'm tired. 


Would i make it to 24? I highly doubt it. 


But right now, I am 23 and I am tired. 


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