Grief’s Lasting Siege

Grief

my chest is hurting and I suppose it always will. not for the short moments where I forget I'm in pain, but in the lingering brutal knife stab when I remember I'm bleeding.

when a scent reminds me of you, when a name reminds me of you, when I stumble unto a picture, a video of you and I once again freeze. transported to the very day I lost you. grief lingers, in the way it invades, not seeking permission, straight onwards like a colonizer, laying claim to the land you call heart. it is there to stay and it will stay far longer than you, out living you. grief reminds you of your weakness, how no matter how much riches you gather, how much talents you acquire that you are nothing. you have been nothing because it is only nothing who can do nothing. nothing to prevent the loss, nothing to rewind time. grief is harsh, in the way it disguises, pretending to fade into the background while knowing its never left, waiting for you like an ambush set with perfect bait underneath it. grief knows you will come, you will fantasize, you will desire, you will hope but most especially you will break. you will fall prey to the sabotage and on your knees shall you drop, wailing on a random Tuesday, clenching your chest as if it will do anything. crying silently, or screaming out loud, grief knows you can do nothing, absolutely nothing to fight it. it has laid you siege and now it owns your soul. a remembrance of your love, a celebration of your time together but at what cost? revisiting their memories demands an exorbitant fee but still we pay. we pay because grief and love cannot be separated from another, we grief because we love, we've loved and so we'll grief. can you grieve what you've not loved? grief and love is one. two sides of the same coin flipped in air waiting to land on the side fate's decided on. cherish moments together far more, hug a little tighter, tell them you love them more, don't hesitate when you want to reach out, craft out more time together as soon as you can because love and grief will forever be one coin spinning in the air, with a fate you have no hands in, no control over, loss always happens in a twinkle of an eye.