Mourn You

For the longest time, I've been afraid of moving on.

Kinda like I believed no longer loving you, would alter my DNA, my entire being.

Because who am i? If I don't love and adore you? My whole self was based on worshipping you.

Rotating around you like my sun, with wide eyes.

God! How I loved you!

But, unfortunately and very well against my wish. I've reached the point of no return.

We are dead.

And I am so tired of reaching out to our grave and raising our burial site sand, delusionally reading meaning in things with no words.

We are dead.

I believe I still hold love for you and I might forever love you. (Well, until my next greatest love comes)

But I've moved on from you.

I couldn't even be paid a right amount to date you and it's not a thing of punishing you.

Or believing you not good enough to date.

But a thing of disinterest, of negative neutrality, of realization. When it was good, it was good.

But isn't that to say of everything else in the world? When it's good, it's good.

But it doesn't make you my great love.

I don't believe I am your greatest love either, and maybe you reached this realization way earlier and why it was always so easy for you to end, to leave.. you've always known what I've only just begun to understand.

I also don't believe it'd be fair if you, after everything... when I'm taking my final breaths end up my greatest love.

It'd be unfair to me if *that could be the best I allowed, I loved.

So no, you're not my great love.

It just meant, I had that much capacity to love. And you were on the *undeserving receiving end.

And now I'm no longer waiting outside your door with a bouquet in my hand hoping you'd one day open up for me. I didn't toss the bouquet away in anger, I didn't stump it, or slap it against your door like I so badly wanted to.

I laid it in front of your door gently, because the girl who held onto it with so much love.. held onto it with so much love, out of respect for her and also entanglement with that same girl, I understand and respect what she felt holding on, but I'm no longer waiting at your door.

I have dropped the flowers on the floor and turned away.

I'm inside my own door, living my own life.

I will remember you fondly, but that's all it'd ever be.

I have unfortunately, fortunately.. moved on.